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AnxietyAttacks

Anxietyattacksaresometimesinterpreted,bysocietyatlargebutalsobytheirconfused,guiltyorshamedsufferers,asanillnessclosetomadness:theresultofamysteriouschemically-basedflawinthebrainthatseversusfromtherealityofnormality.Thesuggestedtreatmentisthereforemedical,involvingforcefulattemptstodampenandanaesthetisepartsofthemisfiringmind.

Yetsuchaninterpretation–howeverkindinitsintentions–dependsononeassumption:thatthenormalresponsetotheconditionsofexistenceshouldbecalm.Butwhyshoulditbe,giventheobviousinsanityoftheworld?

Therootcauseofananxietyattackisjustunusualsensitivitytoamadnessintheworldthatmostpeopledampenout.Ofcourse,onceyouthinkaboutit,it’sentirelyunderstandablethatonemighthaveananxietyattackataparty,whentalkingtoacolleagueoronacrowdedtrain.Thereisgenuineterrorbeneaththesurfaceofsuchthings.

InhergreatnovelMiddlemarch,the19th-centuryEnglishwriterGeorgeEliot,adeeplyself-awarebutalsopainfullyself-consciousandanxiousfigure,reflectedonwhatitwouldbelikeifweweretrulysensitive,opentotheworldandfelttheimplicationsofeverything:

Ifwehadakeenvisionandfeelingofallordinarylife,itwouldbelikehearingthegrassgrowandthesquirrel’sheartbeat,andweshoulddieofthatroarwhichliesontheothersideofsilence.Asitis,thequickestofuswalkaboutwellwaddedwithstupidity."

Itis,asEliotrecognises,bothaprivilegeandaprofoundnightmaretohearthatgrassgrowingandthatsquirrel’sheartbeating–and,also,byextension,tofeeleverythingsodeeply.Wemightwell,asshesometimesdid,longforalittlemore‘well-waddedstupidity’toblockitallout.

Nevertheless,Eliot’slinesofferusawaytoreinterpretouranxietywithgreaterdignityandbenevolence.Ouranxietyattacksemergefromadoseofclaritythatiscurrentlytoopowerfulforustocopewith–butisn’tforthatmatterwrong.Wepanicbecausewerightlyfeelhowthintheveneerofcivilizationis,howmysteriousotherpeopleare,howimprobableitisthatweexistatall,howeverythingthatseemstomatternowwilleventuallybeannihilated,howrandommanyoftheturningsofourlivesare,howpreywearetoaccident.Anxietyissimplyinsightthatwehaven’tyetfoundaproductiveusefor,thathasn’tyetmadeitswayintoartorphilosophy.It’samadworldthatinsiststhattheanxiousarethecrazyones.

Weareinsuchahurrytoseeanxietyasasickness,wefailtonoticeitshealthandalmostdistinctivewisdom.Itisalegitimateresponsetotheoddityofgoingtoparties,ridingpublictransportormorewidely,ofbeingalive.

Weshouldneverexacerbateoursufferingbytryingtopushourdisquietaggressivelyaway.Ouranxietyisn’tdeplorableorasignofweakness.It’ssimplythejustifiableexpressionofourmysteriousparticipationinadisorderedanduncertainworld.